As she heads into her second year of the Chatteris Teaching Internship, Senior Chatteris Teaching Intern Suhita Gurung reflects on her personal and professional growth…

My name is Gurung Suhita. I am from Nepal, but I was born and raised in Hong Kong. For as long as I can remember, this introduction has been a complicated one. While my English is fluent, I often feel I am not as strong in Nepali as I should be. To add a third language to the mix, I can speak Cantonese, but the moment I need to write in it, a struggle begins.

I am also a girl filled with many dreams, but I was never someone willing to take risks. I loved performing on stage, but I was never confident enough to give  a five minute presentation in front of the class which made me question  ‘Will I ever be anything in this lifetime?’ and I started to feel hopeless. 

Until I came across a job posting that changed everything. 

I used to tell myself jobs like this were not meant for me – my harsh inner critic told me that if I wasn’t confident enough to present in front of my classmates, how could I ever do this in front of a class of students? How could I impart knowledge upon them? But something made me pause for a moment – a question that kept following me: ‘What if the universe is trying to tell me something? What if this is exactly what I need?’

And so, with trembling hands, a mind full of questions and a heart that was hopeful but full of doubt, I applied. That’s where my path begins.

The Beginning

I still remember how the first few months went for me. I was in a room full of colleagues who had more experience than me. I gained a fond nickname, ‘the baby of the English department.’ I felt a part of something, but it once again reminded my inner critic of the fact that I had no experience with students yet.  I couldn’t even have a normal conversation with them, as  I feared being rejected and ignored. I felt as though I was making lots of mistakes. I was speaking too fast. I was trembling with fear so much that I stuttered mywords as I taught. I had so many mistakes on my PowerPoint slides and I remember going back home, staring at the mirror with tears in my eyes, wondering whether this role was meant for me. 

It haunted me daily, but somehow, I kept showing up to prove to myself and to everyone that the ‘baby of the English department’ can do this.

A Small Shift: Maybe a Breakthrough?

I remember walking through the corridors trying to begin to build relationships with the students. At first, they were shy and reserved – and looking back, so was I. But slowly, something shifted. 

The students went from being shy around me, to actively looking for me in the corridors. “Hi Miss Su!!” they would shout as they waved , or the popular Ronaldo phrase of “MS SUUUUUUUUU” echoed around me in the corridors. This is not all they were keen to share. I also became a keen recipient of the stories from their holidays, the achievements they had celebrated , and even the teenage jokes thrown around when I saw them, as if I had known them for years. It was small, yet it meant everything to me. 

I had always been someone who doubted myself and felt like I didn’t belong , but this was the first time that I truly felt seen and accepted.

The Skills that Changed Me

Looking back, I realise those hallway moments, the lesson planning, being creative and the mistakes that I made were lessons teaching me more than any qualification ever could.

The girl who couldn’t speak without trembling because she was so afraid of making a mistake during a lesson is no more. I have not only gained confidence in speaking, but also in making mistakes – I am now able to brush off mistakes, turning them into laughter or a learning opportunity. 

But I didn’t get here alone: my programme managers, mentors, and colleagues played a huge role in my growth. They saw the potential in me when I couldn’t see it or believe it was there. The feedback, the support, the endless questions that I asked –  none of it ever made me feel like a burden, and it gave me the courage to finally believe in myself.

The Next Chapter: This is Just the Beginning

Today, I am still standing in front of everyone who I thought I couldn’t stand in front of.  I still make mistakes, but I’ve grown into someone I never expected to be – an impact I hope is felt not only by me, but by the students I see everyday.

My journey is far from over – there is still so much I want to learn. My development never feels like a chore, only an adventure. I am excited to continue finding  strategies to help students struggling with  English, and to discover  new ways to show students the value of English.

I am Gurung Suhita, once a nervous graduate struggling to control her trembling voice in a class full of students. Now, I am standing tall at the front of the class, armed with confidence in my ability to impact these students. 

I never expected to find my voice but here I am – someone I never expected to be.

Keen to develop personally and professionally? Click here to see if you qualify for the Chatteris Teaching Internship and apply now.